My husband is back in town today. It’s usually exciting when he comes back, but I also have a sense of unease because of what has happened, then I see him. I had an appointment so my sister picked him up from the airport but we arrived at the house at pretty much the same time. As he came up the walkway, bumbling and fumbling with his luggage I couldn’t help but melt a bit and beam at the goofball. This goofy man cheated on me.

It’s so hard for me to wrap my brain around, but it happened. My husband is attractive, caring, helpful, compassionate, has a big heart, but he can also be selfish and short sighted because he reacts from an emotional place and doesn’t always think things through. He really wasn’t thinking things though when he cheated. I’m forever scarred by his infidelity and little did I know, he actually thought I trusted him now.

I’m not sure what led him to believe this but it dawned on me today when I asked him if he would consider marriage counseling. He said he would go if I felt the need but he didn’t see why we needed to go aside from the fact that he’s not a big fan of counseling. So I asked him if he thought I trusted him and he said yes. I didn’t laugh out loud but chucked inside and informed him that he was incorrect. My husband can be forgetful. I hope he remembers that moment.

I expressed my grievances about him going certain places alone and he said that if I’m not comfortable with him going somewhere or doing something, then he wouldn’t. He feels pretty confident that he won’t cheat again. I told him if he ever feels like I’m not enough, to let me know and we can deal with the issue accordingly. My husband is really good at making me feel as though I can trust him because he has such a genuine nature about him, but I’m not totally convinced yet. I hope he and I are on the same page now. I, am so in love with him, it’s ridiculous sometimes. I just wish I felt he loved me in the same way.