Not quite sure if the title really fits, but I know it has been a while since I posted a blog here. I have been busy raising a child, who is now three. I can’t remember where I last left off, but we have relocated. I haven’t worked since I’ve had my son. I need to get my life together.

I discovered he’s still cheating on me. No surprise there. I would say he’s cheating “again,” but I feel that would be too optimistic at this point. He’s really starting to look like a borderline narcissist. I say borderline because he’s not tearing me down. He will try to punch holes in my logic, but they’re really futile attempts. My mother in law passed away 4 years ago, which I believe I mentioned. That was the catalyst. So wild.

Let’s catch up.

My husband’s new nickname will be POS (Piece of Shit). He’s not respectable enough for me to utilize the title of husband.

POS started working at a strip club around the spring of last year, as a bouncer. If you’re thinking that sounds like a bad idea, you’re entirely correct. Our nephew, who was 5 at the time, moved in with us for about four months because his mom was having her routine struggle of surviving. About a month before Nephew was taken back to his home state (we flew him out to us) POS started working the second job. Nephew resides in the state we moved away from. Guess who else is there? One of his affair partners.

I wasn’t about to schlep all four of us onto a plane just to take this young man back. Too expensive, so POS went by himself. Was it a great idea? Nah. Was I gonna go instead? Heck no. Am I interested in monitoring him like he’s a child? Definitely not. Was I concerned? Of course.  Every time he was out until midnight he claimed he was hanging out with one of his friends, who could have possibly been spending time with him. I doubt it though. After finding the recent evidence I’m pretty much 1000% sure he was dating and fucking the bitch he had an emotional affair with. I have also realized that his affair with her was probably more than emotional. They most likely fucked.

I was unsettled. I felt like he was lying, but could I prove it? No.

You might be wondering how POS ended up with a job at a strip club in the first place? What’s a retired church boy doing there? Well, I started questioning my sexuality. I’m a communicator, so I told him I felt like I might be bisexual. I will also acknowledge that at the time I was feeling a void in our marriage. Go figure. He suggested going to a strip club to get my feet wet, so I could explore this side of myself. He also gets his rocks off, too, of course.

He was excited about the prospect of me exploring my sexuality because he was seeing threesomes in his future. I did not. He said he would be fine with me dating other women. I suppose he felt like he was about to live out his fantasy of a polygamist lifestyle. The only problem for him was the “bi” in the sexual. That includes men. He wouldn’t want to bring them into a threesome. It’s not as sexy for him.

We enjoyed ourselves at the club. The dancer who was entertaining us mentioned they were hiring and POS was too excited about the prospect of working there. It sounded completely asinine to me. I wasn’t pushing him to do it.

He claimed we needed the extra money.

Knowing what it know now. We didn’t. Not really.

I went on a date with a slightly younger woman. We both discovered she had issues she needed to sort out, as did I. I cried because I came to the realization I was trying to fill a hole that my POS was supposed to be filling. I decided I wasn’t really interested in polygamist lifestyle. Go figure. It seemed complicated. Besides that you need a lot of trust to pull it off. I did not and do not trust him. He didn’t trust me either, but for different reasons. He didn’t trust that I wouldn’t leave him if he told me his truths.

The truth that he’s not satisfied with just me.

The truth that he’s obsessed with sex.

The truth that he enjoys making multiple connections with multiple women.

I gave him windows and doors of opportunity to come clean. Let me know he’s not really interested in a monogamous marriage anymore and we could get divorced. I think the idea is scary to him.

He was running himself ragged this past year not getting enough sleep from two jobs. I recently found out he was also run ragged because he started up a second life.

The second D-day (if that’s a thing).

It was a Wednesday night. I had a two hour massage to unwind from the stresses of being married to a POS while being a mother. I got home, feeling relaxed. I walked through our son’s play space (in the dark) and I stepped on something. It was his work phone. It was the jackpot or pandora’s box depending on how you look at it. He was cagey about me looking through it before, so of course there are things hidden in there. It doesn’t have a lock on it, so it was easily accessible.

Why was it on the floor? Because it was about 10:30 at night. He was incredibly tired from having worked the night job the day before. He and my son were asleep. He slipped up. I capitalized on the situation. This time I took pictures. I needed evidence. I went straight to the text messages and I found an orgy of evidence, again, of his infidelity.

You can imagine the knots that came back upon this discovery.

I was literally shaking.

This blog is already long. I’m tired, but basically he’s been spending money on other women. He sent the bitch at least a weeks worth or more of money (her words in the text messages) and he was paying another woman for sex. I doubt she’s a prostitute because he works at a strip club. Why would you look for a prostitute when there are plenty of women desperate for money all around you?

On top of the infidelity he was doing other things behind my back.

He took out two loans (that I found) without telling me. One of which is so expensive to pay off monthly he opened a secret bank account. It’s $425 a month of automatic withdrawal.

He has at least two bank accounts he hasn’t told me about.

He bought a car without telling me, which was paid for by one of the loans. I found the tittle, the receipt from the auction, and the registration.

My friend, who happens to now be my cousin in law, thinks that he has another child I don’t know about. Looking at the correspondence and because of the secret accounts, she might be right.

I will also add I’ve told trusted friends and family what is going on. I haven’t confronted him because I’m plotting. It would appear he might be as well.

In the basement he had our marriage license and freshly printed bank statements. Usually things you need when filing for divorce. There’s a lot. I will come back and give updates when possible.

Ugh.