I haven’t been on here in a while. It’s mainly because I’ve been taking care of our son, my sister is a head case, and I’ve just been living life to the point where I can’t be bothered to do certain things, but I had to hop on today. I was taking a glorious nap, then I heard our son on the baby monitor and thought he was waking up so I grabbed my phones. One of them is one of my husbands work phone that he doesn’t use. He lets me use it because we have no Wi-Fi in our new place, but his work phone has a lot of data available and it’s a hot spot. He set up his gmail account and google hangout on the phone so I get notifications unless he gets to them first. After I awoke I saw a google hangout out request from what looked like one of the elephants. I thought “it couldn’t be” and it was! After this I started freaking out.

He hadn’t seen the request, yet but I told him to take a look and see who sent it. He then ignored the request so they couldn’t start a chat. I copied down her email address and I have contemplated emailing her to tell her off. Tell her to leave my husband alone. Tell her she’s a dizzy bitch if she really thinks that he wanted to leave me for her. My husband and I are moving forward. I’m still trying to get to a place where I can fully trust my husband again, then this happens and I’m really trying not to lose my shit.

I don’t make a habit of cursing, but this really threw me off. It’s crazy. It has caused all these old feelings to crop back up. I guess they’re not that old, but they were more in the background. Now I’m remembering the pain. Hubby has felt in the past year that I basically should be “over” it, but nah. I can’t just “get over it.” This incident has caused the questions in my mind to go into overdrive.

We moved to another state because he got another job, but I sometimes wonder if he found someone else. He tries to do what he can to set my mind at ease, but not too far in the back of my mind I still feel uneasy. I still remember when I was pregnant and sent him to the store and he took a long ass, fucking time to come back so I called him. He said he would call me back and all the while he was talking to the same bitch who just sent him a chat invite. Fuck  her. I hope she gets injured. Dumb bitch.

Sigh. I hate this. I don’t have anyone to rant to or just talk with. There is my father, but it’s not the same. He was able to talk me off the ledge so to speak with emailing her. He suggested that it might no be a good idea because it could fuel her desire to connect with hubby again. He has a good point. I just hope she gets the hint and stops trying to contact him. I almost wonder if this is going to be a yearly thing for her. I’m sure she thought I wouldn’t see her. Dizzy bitch. I hate her. I don’t usually hate, but for her I’m making an exception.

I’m posting to get this out of my system.